- Give them $30,000 cash.
- Midgets.
- Something serious, so we promptly forgot this one.
Number 1 is a work in progress, but frankly, it’s really time consuming attempting to gain governmental control of a small European country. Number 3 was a really good suggestion…at least, we think it was. But Number 2 – now this is a topic near and dear to our hearts! For those who requested it, here is a small step towards a larger midget presence in MJ.
fact #1: never anger a midget
They can be deadlier than Chuck NorrisBut if you do happen to be in a bar fight with one, don’t call them a midget, as you never know who might be the real-life Dr. Banner that inspired the books. Instead, here’s a list of alternative names that have been developed for them over the ages:
Abatwa, aeta, afreet, afreeta, alven, bakhna rakhna, ballybogs, banshees, bean si, bean sidhe, bean-nighe, bendith y mamau, blue men of the minch, bodach, bogles, bokwus, brownies, buccas, bugalademujs, bwbachod, bwca, cherubs, cluricauns, coblynau koblernigh, corrigan, daoine sidhe, devas, devis, djinn, djinna, dryads, dwarfs, dwarves, elf, ellerkonge, ellyllon, elves, erlkonig, fach, fairies, fairy, feés, fendoree, ferrishyn, fir darrigs, fireesin, folletti, fylgiars, gentry, ghul, ghulla, gnome, gobelin, goblins, grandinilli, green lady of caerphilly, gremlins, grimelin, guillyn veggey, gwragedd annwn, gwyllion, hillmen, hobgoblin, hogmen, hu hsien, hyter sprites, ieles, illes, imp, Issun Boshi, jimaninas, jimaninos, jinn, jinna, kappa, kelpie, knockers, kobolds, kul, leprechauns, lilitu, manitou, mazikeen, mekumwasuck, menehune, mimis, nagas, nagumwasuck, naiades, naiads, nereids, nisse, nixies, nunus, nymphs, pechs, pehts, people of the hills, peris, phooka, pigseys, pigsies, piskies, pituitary, pixies, portunes, pygmy, redcap, roane, seelie court, selkies, shehireem, shellycoat, shideem, short stature, sidhe, si’la, silkies, skeletal dysplasia, sluagh, sprites, sylphids, sylphs, tengu, tokolush, tomtra, trolls, trooping fairies, trows, tylwyth teg, undines, unseelie court, urchins, urisks, uttuku, vardogls, weisse frau, wichtlein, yumboes, and zips.
Although, something tells us if you call them a “trooping fairie”, you’ll still get your butt kicked in the fight…
fact #2: if you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.
It’s true! Okay, this one is totally made up. Maybe. Try it out while getting your butt kicked by the midget in #1.
fact #3: midgets can do anything you can do better
And this time with style.
Midgets established their own city-within-a-city, called Lilliputia, in 1904. It was complete with it’s own parliament, a beach with lifeguards, a theatre, stables with small ponies, and a complete fire department responding every hour to put out imaginary fires. Irony reared its head in 1911 when the city burnt down to non-imaginary fires.
On a smaller scale, if you visit Pittsburgh, PA anytime soon be sure to visit Casey’s Draft House for their MIDGET MADNESS! Monday nights. When anyone buys the bar a shot for $10, “Man Boy” (his name, not ours) comes out of his box at the end of the bar and pours a shot into everyone’s mouth.
How much do you think YOU would get for the same job? £7, if that?
fact #4: …
…We just added this one to make the list look taller.
fact #5: all midgets do not come pre-equiped with mullets
Stop the world, I want to get off.The idea that all midgets posess Biblical-like Sampson hair, long and flowing in the rear from birth, that holds the secret to a mystical power, has existed for a long time. And yet, despite much photographic proof to the contrary, images like the ones below remain an indelible mark upon the memories of many modern humans.
Please, this must stop. Contact your local governmental representative (or if you’re Canadian) and tell them you want – no, demand – better representation of shorter people from your government. This is a public awareness effort, and requires democratic means. Unless you’re British, in which case…
God Bless the Queen.
